When a marriage ends in separation or divorce, fathers often feel that their rights are not protected in law. The requirements for fathers to maintain their ex-partners and children, despite sometimes having limited access to their children can lead to frustration and bad feeling. Fathers can also be left financially strained by the burden of maintenance payments and the loss of assets sometimes including the entire family home.

Colin Mitchell, family solicitor at Coles Miller in Poole explains, “Despite what some people might think, the law for distributing money and property on divorce (called “ancillary relief”) is not sexist. However, when a couple have children, many families still follow the traditional pattern with the husband continuing to work and the wife spending more time at home looking after the children. This can lead to husbands feeling the law is one sided. ”

Mr Mitchell says “If a husband or father is open to compromise and is willing to work through the situation with their ex, with guidance from an objective third party such as a solicitor, an acceptable compromise can usually be reached.”

“We aim to find out what the husband is most concerned about and what does he want to achieve. Even if both the husband and wife are not able to get what they want at first, applying the basic legal principles together with the right legal advice can result in a more balanced outcome. Husband’s should start by listing what the family assets are and then think about the practical answer to the question of how those assets could be used so that they, their wife and children might live in a decent home in the future and how the household bills will be divided.”

There are some key points which both parties (and in particular the bread winning man) should bear in mind:


1. When deciding how money and property should be split between husband and wife, the first consideration will be the children’s welfare. Therefore, thought should first be given to providing a home for the children, wherever they live and whoever they might live with.

2. The next thing to establish is what are the matrimonial assets? This might be straight forward to answer, but is more complex if for instance one party builds up a business before marrying. Also, inheritance before, during or even after the marriage has broken down could be taken into account.

3. There must be full and frank disclosure of all money, property and any other investments including pensions. Without this, any agreement or court order could be flawed and a party withholding information could be subject to severe legal and financial penalties.

4. When working out who gets what, equality is the starting point but it is often more complicated than a simple 50:50 split. In fact, there is no precise calculation for how much husband and wife should each get. Housing the children is a priority. All the facts have to be looked at and there is often a best case and worst case scenario if a judge has to make a decision. The precise outcome cannot be guaranteed.

5. With the price of housing along the South Coast rising at a rate greater than the average wage, it is increasingly difficult for both parties to be home owners following separation. Therefore, any equity in the family home might remain invested in that home to provide accommodation for the children. If the children remain living with their mother, then the husband’s share of the equity might remain invested in that property with what is called a “charge back”. This means the husband should get his share of the equity when the children leave home or if the wife remarries or cohabits before then. If the children are young, the husband could be waiting years.

With all this in mind, a constructive and non-confrontational approach to distributing the capital assets is more likely to result in an acceptable outcome for both parties rather than a lengthy and expensive dispute over who gets what.

For example, Colin Mitchell explains, “One client was afraid that when he split from his wife he could lose his business, but after consultation both parties agreed that it would be better for him to keep the business so he could provide a source of income to help support his child than to see it sold off.”

Courts will take into account the financial requirements of all parties and will endeavour to ensure that all parties are adequately provided for. “When a wife is felt to be asking for too much, a detailed statement of what the husband needs to live will be supplied and in most cases the assets will be split so there is still enough for the wife and children.”

If a husband’s assets are to be retained in the family home this can cause the biggest impact and leave him virtually having to start out again on the property ladder. One client had young children and faced waiting years before he saw his money, but the final agreement that was resolved was that if the wife re-married or cohabited, then the family home should then be sold to release the funds.

Coles Millers’ specialist family solicitors are skilled at helping clients achieve their realistic goals and make the best of what is often a bad situation. For advice and guidance on your rights in matrimonial issues please call one of our team on 01202 673011.