Children Issues
Issues relating to the care of children or the arrangements made for their time with their parents can be very difficult to resolve.
We would always recommend advice at an early stage and can take you through the options available to assist in resolving these issues in the interests of the children.
Options include mediation, collaborative process as well as the traditional letter writing approach or court proceedings where necessary.
We will assess your case and the circumstances and explain what guidelines exist in law to decide issues relating to children including contact, residence, changes of name, schooling, child support, and shared residence.
How to help your children survive a divorce
For most separating families, the main concern is how the children will be told about the separation and also how they will be provided for in the future in practical and financial terms – and of course how they will cope.
Most experts agree that informing children of changes together in a calm way ensures that children get the same information from both parents. Chances for children to ask questions are vital too. Much of a child’s immediate concerns will be about where they will live and whether schools and friendships will be affected. There are no easy answers to these questions but where parents put up a calm and united front children can be reassured that changes for them will be discussed openly with both parents agreeing the way forward.
For many separating couples this seems impossible – the heat of arguments and the pain of physical separation can seem all consuming. It is important to remember however that the parenting relationship will have to outlast the marriage or partnership between them, and can still be a most rewarding experience. To achieve this however both parents need to remain focussed on the preservation of their relationship as parents by making decisions which face the family with the children at the centre of the matter.
For many couples, help and support with the changes they experience comes from friends and family and for some additional support and help is required. Counsellors, and divorce coaches can have a valuable part to play in helping parents to deal with the major issues facing them in a constructive way. Additional help for children is often secured through GP or school and parental involvement is vital to ensure that parents get early warning of problems and progress reports. The ‘team effort’ approach can help children cope with the stress of a separation by ensuring that they receive consistent messages and support.
For parents however, a separation poses many challenges included financial ones, and issues relating to housing and payment of bills can raise the temperature of disputes. The way in which parents approach and resolve issues like this can make a difference to the children. Parents chosing a constructive approach such as collaborative practice can put their children firmly at the centre of the picture and preserve their parenting relationship for the future.
For the children, having parents who can still communicate and for example attend school plays and presentations, graduation ceremonies and other important events makes a huge difference. Children whose parents deal with separation civilly can look back at the difficult times knowing that they were always considered and put first in the decision making process.
The process works to preserve parenting relationships by allowing the parents to set the agenda, and deal with issues that perhaps a court would not be inclined or able to assist with – practical arrangements and plans for the future. The pace of the case is determined by the parents and so important dates such as exam periods can be factored into the timing of meetings etc, which cannot happen with Court hearings in the same way. Ideally the outcome from this process is that children (and parents) cope better with the stressful times of a separation and as a consequence can look forward to a brighter future.